Harry Potter and the Order of the UN
by EuroCat
Summary: Harry Potter must find the immortality weed or the whole galaxy will be doomed


Hi!  
My name is Lunatica and I work for the UN organisation.  
I am not the boss of UN - thats Steve. However I am pretty important and normally Steve does what I say.  
Theres also my best friend, Jill, who also works for UN. But they arnt in this story.  
One day we were all called to the meeting room at the top of UN's biggest tower.

"Hi" I said.  
"I have called you all here today because I discovered something important" I continued.  
"It seems someone is trying to find the secret immortality weed and are going to use it to take over the world. We have to stop them!"

"Thats bad...but is it the UNs responsibility?" said Bob. He was always saying stuff like that to get out of work.

"Yes. Of course it is. Because someone has to do something about it and we are an organisation that does stuff. Stuff that has to be done"  
said Steve.  
Everyone cheered his speech. He was good at speechs ever since I taught him to be. (I am also the speech writer for the president,btw)

"I have found new information" said I.

"It seems UNs arch-enemy, MPAA, is upto their old tricks again. They are the ones after the-once-you-smoke-it-you'll-be-high-4-ever!"

"omg" said everyone.

"We will have to send in our best secret agents" said Steve.  
"Thats you, of course, Lunatica"  
(I was also a secret agent,btw, but I told everyone as it makes the story easier)  
"I will assemble my team and leave tomorrow!"  
In the darkness of that night, away from the preying eyes and ears of those who would judge, some strangers slipped by unnoticed.

But they were not strangers, they knew each-other. And they knew each-other much closer then any of their friends did realize.  
They knew each-other both inside and out. But their friends did not know this. Their friends could not know. Their friends should not know this.  
Nor could they know. Because it was night, and thus away from their viscous, judging eyeballs.

"Is it safe?" said the first stranger, who was not a stranger to the other stranger but will remain a stranger to us for the moment.

"I think so. Its dark so none of the others should see us here, even if they are nearby. I think our secret is safe."

"Good. I couldn't take their judgement right now. My life is too stressful as it is. If it wasn't for you I don't know what Id do."  
"Don't worry The Gerontophile, I will always be here for you - waiting in the dark"  
"Thanks, Nerdy Hot Glasses Sensei. I will always be in the dark for you too"

With that the two shadows embraced - an embracement in the night full of passion and romance.  
Now it was tomorrow and I was assembling my team.  
I first choose Potter, who I had called in specially as our outside expert.  
I then choose Lunatica as they were good at stuff.  
Also Bob from our private army so we had someone disposable who wouldn't be needed in future stories.  
I also choose myself, due to my all around abilities.  
After everyone was chosen me and The bespacled boy started planning.

For a moment time seemed to slowed down. Harry wondered why. The chosen one turned around slowly (due to the time seeming to have slowed down).  
Then the explanation - She Who Never Uses Hairbrush was secretly looking at him. Looking at him in that special way.  
Potters soul lit up like a beacon in the night - even though it was day.

In all of this. In all of this mess. They had eachother, even if eachother was the only ones that knew.  
She Who Never Uses Hairbrush turned away at that moment - Time jumped back to normal as The bespacled boy was no longer transfixiated by She Who Uses Her Crystal Balls As Ben Wa Balls.  
Fortunately no one else had noticed.

We were in the main planning room, there was a huge whiteboard, a projector, a screen, holograms and a blackboard.

This was the room where UN planned stuff.  
Much of the good work we did started here.  
Like the time we defeated the parselmouth and converted him to good and made him work for us.  
Or the time we saved the world from that rogue planet.  
Or the time we saved Christmas.

I got out my pen and paper and started discussing the plan.

"I have been doing research and stuff in our database library. The immortality weed is hidden inside Minneapolis Downtown"  
"Ahh...it makes so much sense! Why didn't we think of it before!" said Harry  
"The clues where written in a ancient language"  
"oh, right, of course"  
"Now what?" said Sybill  
"Now we leave for Minneapolis Downtown!"

With that we all got onto the UN Scooter and flue to the distant city of Minneapolis Downtown!

Some time later in their secret hide-away ;

"I am glade we found a way to survive all that and still be together"  
"Yes, our plan seems to have worked despite all the events"  
"Do you think anyone spotted us?"  
"No"  
"No"  
"Yes"  
Snape emerged from the shadows of the darkness.  
"I know everything" he said.  
Potter and She Who Never Uses Hairbrush gasped. Their secret was finally revealed!

"I dont love She Who Uses Her Crystal Balls As Ben Wa Balls like you do" said Snape "but I have always lusted a bit after them. So you see if She Who Uses Her Crystal Balls As Ben Wa Balls spends the night with me - I will never tell anyone."  
The absinthe eyed boy breathed a sigh of relief. That was, after all, a reasonable request. They agreed to the bargain.  
"Phwee...thats something we can go along with" said She Who Watches You Masturbate relieved.  
Snape was happy, and Potter and She Who Uses Her Crystal Balls As Ben Wa Balls thus got to live happily ever after together. With no one but Snape and themselves ever knowing.  
Once we got there we found our worst fears had already come to pass;  
MPAA was already there. MPAA petrol's were all over the city, searching in every iggloo and hut.

"They are looking for the immortality weed!" said Steve.  
"We have to beat them too it!"

We began sneakily and stealthy running around the city. Unlike MPAA, we had more information about where to look.

After a period of time looking, and with Harry Potters help we found it before them.

"There is it is! At least!" I said, pointing to the immortality weed hidden by a weird cave network.  
"So it is" said Steve, suddenly grinning.  
"I guess then this charade is over!"

Steve pulled of his mask and suddenly his face was You-know-whos!  
I stood gobsmacked in the face.

"Yes, that's right Lunatica & The Gerontophile, it was me all along I, Voldemort was Steve the whole time!"

"I don't understand" said Harry. "Why?"

"That's easy. I knew I could never find the the-once-you-smoke-it-you'll-be-high-4-ever without your help, and I knew you would never help me. So I became CEO of UN, and employed Lunatica. After that it was simply a mater of earning your respect, creating a threat and waiting for you to call Harry"

"creating a threat? You mean MPAA? "

"Yes, that's right! MPAA is just a bunch of actors I hired. It was all a elaborate set up to make you lead me to the the-once-you-smoke-it-you'll-be-high-4-ever"

"gosh, how could we have been so foolish" said Harry.

I was frozen still. My life had been a lie. I had believed in the UN. Believed in what it stood for. Believed in the good work we had did. But it was a lie. It was all a front. It was all You-know-who all along.  
I pressed though the pain though. Maybe UN was a lie, but that didn't mean what its cause was meaningless. It didn't mean I had to surrender, to give up..

"No. I fight for UN and I will never give up. Regardless of you.."Steve" " (I said that last part sarcastically).  
"That's right" said Harry. "You might have fooled us. Made our lives a lie and stood in front of our nose the whole time, but you can never take away our spirit"  
"you foolish fools. You are already defeated" said The parselmouth  
"I had a whole army at my command!"

Just then we were surrounded.  
We were about to give up again when I remembered something.

"You can't fool us again Voldemort! These people are just actors!"  
With that me and The chosen one started punching and kicking them, using our Magical org when needed.  
As they were actors they were easy to take out, leaving just he-who-must-not-be-named.  
"Nooooo...my fake army..."

"And now its time for you!"

In perfect syncro-heroism me and Harry leapt at "steve", pulling of a massive Magical org karate-chop combo.

"Arg..." said he-whose-nudes-no-one-wants-to-see as he ran towards the immortality weed.

But we did it again and again till he fell unconscious. He was just a few meters from the the-once-you-smoke-it-you'll-be-high-4-ever,it had been a close call.

"We won...but now what?" said The Gerontophile.

I looked around at our devastated lives.

"Only one choice. We rebuild UN and repair the years of damage it was secretly doing to this world"

The...Beginning?


End file.
